Party in the Garden
by myselfornot
Summary: Everything has gone nuts, Selphie drinks, Irvine runs Minigolf and Rinoa's in Jail. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

This is a FF8 Fan Fiction that takes place after the whole ordeal of the game. Everyone is still at the Garden and are still mercenaries. But this is a comedy. Squall has become a Card Fanatic obsessed with the game. Selphie is always throwing parties and getting drunk. Quistis has decided to raises Chocobo in an extension added to the Garden. Zell is now in love with Selphie and is Constantly trying to win her heart…when she's sober. Irvine turned the training center into a miniature golf course and now runs the shop. Then there's, Rinoa, she decided to have a joyride in the Ragnarok and is now in the newly added Balamb Prison for no less than 5-10 years.

Chapter 1: Why Plus Why?

"Can't you give me just one more?"

"Sorry squall but I can't give you any more free cards. Come back when you have money."

"Damn you Irvine! Can't I just give you an IOU?"

Irvine slams his hand on the table, "You already owe me five hundred thousand gil!"

"What If I sell you this?" Holds out his Gunblade, "It's gotta be worth a few cards?"

Irvine slams his hand against his head, "You have to be kidding? …If you want them that bad I trade them to you. But this is the last time, the next time I see you here it better be to golf!" Reaching down he hands squall a box, "This is a box of level 8 boss cards. It'll be hard for you to lose."

Squall grabs the box quickly, "I have a fool proof strategy, no one will ever beat me again." Searching the cards Squall jumps, "Hey! There's a Shiva card in here! Awesome"

"I swear, I think squall has lost it since Cid quit and put Zone in charge."

"Excuse me mister," Looking over the Counter Irvine sees a little boy.

"What is it little guy?"

"umm…I was wondering if, umm…do you sell balls here?

"Of course I do little boy." Reaching down he pulls out a bucket, "would you like red balls, black or blue?"

The Kid begins to laugh, "HAHA! You sell black and blue balls to little boys!" Running away the little boy high fives another two guys. Irvine then throws a putter at them causes them to scatter. "Damn kids and there hijinks."

**At the same time in the newly established bar that replaced the parking lot.**

"Hey barstender, gives me anudder." Selphie says as she lays face down on the bar counter.

"I think you should get off the bar first."

"Your no fun, fun, no, no fun…hahaha." Grabbing a bottle of beer Selphie jumps up and falls on the ground. Getting back up she swings the bottle around and almost falls back down, "Does any shexy guys out thur want to dance? I can really boogie down." Walking over she leans on a couple guys, "I'll "_dance," _with two guys if you want.

Walking onto the dance floor she is joins by one of the guys. Once on the dance floor the music begins to play and the two begin to dance a rather…intimate dance.

Turning around to face the guys after being rather close to each other, she begins to make out with the guy until the other guy runs out of the bathroom, "Joey!" He screams to man, "how could you?" Beginning to cry the man runs out of the bar.

"Frank! Wait!" Pushing Selphie away he chases after the man screaming, "I'm Sorry!"

At that time Zell walks is with a hotdog in hand, Hey Selphie I'm back did you- Selphie? Did you get yourself drunk again?"

Getting off the dance floor she raises her hands in the air, still holding the bottle, "Zell!" Nearly falling she wraps her arms around Zell, "You know, you could take advantage of me right know and I might never remember."

Zell just stares at her, "Not even all the booze in the world would make that a good idea." Reaching down he picks her up and starts to carry her out the door.

Selphie Grins, "Your very eager aren't ya Zelly boy."

All Zell can do is sigh, "You are gonna have such a hangover." Walking out the door everyone hears Zell scream, "Oh god, why on the shirt? I just had it washed yesterday!"

Later in the Balamb Prison 

"King to Queen 5." Rinoa says as she moves a chess piece. "And that would be check. Getting up she moves to the other side of the table, "Damn you skills, let's see, hmm, I know. Rook the Kings 3. Now you lost you Queen." Moves back again, "Knight to queen 2. And checkmate, ha, I win."

Walking up to the cell Seifer give her a weird look, "You done?"

Jumping Rinoa Runs up to the Bars, "I can do what I want, got that? Anyway did you bring the goods?"

"Yes, yes, here it is," Reaching out he hands her a box, "Chutes and Ladders just like you wanted."

"Excellent, now I can beat her at another game!"

"…"

"You still here? Can't you see I wanna bust this out?"

"Do you remember our deal?" Seifer grins, "You said you would make-out with me if I brought it."

"Okay come closer and close your eyes." Looking under her bed she whispers, "Psst, Angelo, are you ready?" Lifting up her dog she lets it lick Seifer's face and mouth. Letting her dog go back and hides she laughs a little. "You can open your eye now."

Wiping off his face, Seifer throws away the tissue, "You kiss better than I remember. Just tell me when you need another game." Walking back up the stairs he hears Rinoa begins to break into a fit of Laughter. Puzzled Seifer stops, "I'm not that bad of a kisser am I? Better go practice on teddy some more."

**At the Classroom we rejoin Squall**

Squall is in the middle of a two out of three game with the Trepies. "That's a win for me and a win for you."

Quistis walks in at that moment and watches Squall, "You know you really need help."

"Not now, playing."

"How about we make this interesting," says one of the Trepies, "Let's all put something on the line."

"Okay," Grins Squall putting down a card, "If I win I get all your cards."

"Fine, and if we win we get Her." They all point at Quistis.

"Deal"

Quistis grabs Squall by the arm and drags him away, "Who gave you permission to bet me?" She kicks Squall, "I'm not doing this." She begins to walk away

Grabbing her by the arm Squall get on his hands and knees, "Please Quistis, I can't lose they only have one card left to play I can't lose. PLEASE!"

"Fine, but you owe me." Walking back in the both sit down. "It's a deal."

"Good, I play this, and with the plus effect the score is 7 cards for me and 3 for you."

"…"

"AHHHHHH! SQUALL YOU IDIOT!"

"You ours now instructor." They all grab her by the arms, "Let's go have 'fun'."

"I'll Get You For this Squall!"

Squall crosses his hands and tilts his head, "That plus rule get me every time."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: A New obsession**

"SQUALL!" Screams Quistis, "How dare you lose after betting me. Do you have any idea what they had me do?" She goes on to tell Him about what they had her do all night.

"So they really had you do that?" asks Squall followed by Quistis nodding sadly. "Who would've guessed that they would've had you fight a Tonberry one-on-one."

Turning around Squall gets hit over the back of the head with a T-Rexaur bone. Waking up several hours later Squall looks around and realizes he's in a Chocobo stable. Suddenly he feels something warm thrown on him. It's Chocobo manure. "What the Hell?"

"This is your punishment Squall. You have to work in the Stables with me."

"Oh yeah Quistis? I'll have you know I can kick you butt. So I'm off to play cards." Reaching for his box he notices that it's gone, "Where are my cards!"

"I have them hidden until you repay me for the trauma I suffered."

"But, but, I need those! I sold my Gunblade for those." Getting onto the ground Squall goes into a fetal position, "C-Card withdraw."

"Get up Squall, You need to get over this card thing. But before that, here." She tosses him a shovel. "People pay a lot for this manure."

"Okay but only until I get my cards back. EWW! Who would eat this stuff?"

"…"

**9 am in Selphie's room**

"Ugh, My head. What happened last night." Looking on the floor she sees Zell, "AHHH! Zell, what are you doing in my room?"

Opening his eyes Zell jumps to his feet with no shirt on. "What?"

"Oh, my god, what the fuck did we do last night?" Getting out of her bed she pulls the sheet to cover her body and grabs her Nunchaku.

"Wait! Let me explain!" He goes on about what happened and how he helped. "And that's what happened."

"What? I didn't even get a guy! That's it I'm going for a drink." Searching the floor she grabs her dress, "And this time, you're drinking with me."

"But it's 9 am."

"Well it's 9 pm in Timber. To the Ragnarok!"

"Wasn't it crashed by Rinoa?"

"This is the Ragnarok II. Now Let's go!" Grabbing his arm she drags him away, "This time we both get drunk."

Later At The Timber Bar "Hey Zell, how about anudder beer?" 

"Okay Selphie, but first I need to find my pants." Crawling on the ground her finds a pair of pants and throws them on, "I don't think these are mine."

"Zell? Zell, Zelly, Zelly-Poo. Have I ever told you how much I like that tattoo of you's?" Then a Song comes over the air, "Oh! I loves this'un. Come Zelly, let's get down and dirty." Dragging him to the dance floor she begins to dance on his side.

Wrapping his arm around her Zell begins to follow her moves. Soon the song becomes fast and Selphie let's go and begins to jump around, "Whoo, Go Selphie!" Looking around Zell realizes there the only ones dancing, "umm…Selphie? I don't think this is a bar that has a dance floor."

"Your no fun Zell! Anywhere you dance can be a…umm…what was a saying?" Getting on table she dances until she falls over and is sitting on somebody, "Umm, why is you cwying mishter?"

The crying man who she sat on then stood up and grabbed a sword from the corner that was bigger than him, "I miss Aeris…"

Suddenly a man with a clipboard went up to the man, "Umm…Cloud? You're in the wrong story."

"Really?" say Cloud with surprise, "Sorry."

"Aww…He was cute."

"…" Selphie stares at Zell weirdly, "You may have drank a little too much."

"No. Your to drunk to drive, give me the keys."

"What? Your as dwunk as me."

"So wh-what do you suspose ways do?"

"I say we get a hotel room."

"!" Zell falls over to the ground, "Do you mean what I think?"

"Of course zelly-baby, now c'mon." Grabbing his hand she head out the door and down the street to local hotel.

**That Afternoon at Seifer's Room**

"I don't know what to do Teddy." Proclaimed Seifer, "Rinoa doesn't want to sleep with me again. Don't give me that look Teddy, It wouldn't matter if she was out of jail."

Getting up Seifer wanders around his room, "I know Teddy, she did sleep with me before." Seifer's eyes begin to tear up, "But that was when I was a winner."

"I know, I'll get her the best present ever!" Running out the doors he runs back in, "Thanks for listening Teddy."

"No, No, Thank you." On Seifer's bed lay a man, "But could you please just call me Raijin?"

**Back at the Ranch**

"Have you finished shoveling Squall?" Asked Quistis.

"Yes Quistis, and I finished the artificial insemination. Can I have my cards now?"

"Not yet, first you have to wash the Chocobo's."

Grabbing a bucket and sponge, Squall goes out and begins to wash a Chocobo, "Oh, man, I wish I hand my cards back." While washing the beak Squall noticed something in the Chocobo's mouth, a Card.

"Oh…my…God. This is a GF card. I must have more!" Opening the beak he shoves his hand down. Then the Chocobo ran, "Come back! I must have more cards!"

"W-Wark!" Screamed the Chocobo as he was being chased around the stable.

"I knew I should have quit when I was ahead. Next time I'm just docking his paycheck."


	3. Chapter 3

**To the people who enjoy this:**

I'm sorry for waiting so long to update but I've had some emotional things to work through and I had some hate mail sent my way. I'll try from now on to update at least once a week. And in a few weeks I might introduce my FF10 Fanfic. So maybe you'll like that.

**Chapter 3: What the hell is happening.**

Waking from his drunken haze Zell shifted in his bed, "what happened last night." Looking over he sees the naked Selphie on the bed covered by a sheet that leaves little to the imagination. "WHAT! Selphie!"

Stirring in the bed Selphie looks over to Zell, "'bout time you let loose." Reaching for her dress she gets up and starts to dress herself. "Who would've guessed you would get drunk so fast."

"But I saw you get drunk before I even started drinking. How could you remember anything?"

"Zell, you should know by now I can hold my liquor, you on the other hand are lucky to hold your lemonade."

"B-but I don't understand, Then why would you sleep with me if you weren't drunk?"

"Are you really that dense?" Shaking her head she tossed him his shirt, "get dressed. We need to go."

Sliding on his shirt he goes and gets his other clothes, "Where are we going?"

"Silly boy, you should never let a girl go without getting her breakfast first."

Later in the Balamb Prison 

"Rinoa? Rinoa are you there?" Looking into the cell Seifer sees Rinoa in the corner, "Is something wrong?"

"Of course," pointing to herself she begins to yell. "This stupid biznatch keeps beating me at anything I play." Running into another corner she grabs a chess set and a chutes and ladders game and throws them at Seifer. "She got me so mad that I broke all my games!"

"Then my timing was perfect, I brought you something." Reaching inside a bag of his he pulls out a box. "It's a game called Risk, I think you might like it."

Looking at the box she reads the label, "for two to six players…YES! Now I can beat those others as well as that one."

"…Yeah, well anyway you know the payment cost"

"Of course, close you eyes." Closing his eyes she watches him lean forward. Pulling her leg up she kicks him hard enough to make him fall and lose his breath, "now leave me to my game."

Walking over to the door Seifer turns around, "YOUR JUST HIDING YOU LOVE!"

Later on with Irvine 

"Take aim, don't hesitate, see your target and…shoot!" Hitting the ball with all his might Irvine's ball went through the windmill and into the hole, "Yes! Hole in one!" During his victory dance he notices somebody in the bushes. Throwing his club he hears a loud, "OW!" Running to the bushes he notices that it's Zone. "Zone! What are you doing here?"

"I was just exploring the campus." Letting out a whimper Zone crawls up. "It part of the Headmaster job remember?"

"Oh yeah, but why in a bush?"

"Don't ask, but anyway I have a mission for you." Handing Irvine a scroll he runs to the exit. "Time for Girl hunting!"

After watching him run off Irvine opens his scroll and scratches his head, "If we have so much technology why do we need scrolls? Anyway let's see what this says…I WHAT!" Running in circles Irvine begins to throw a fit, "I have to get Squall off his card addiction."


	4. Chapter 4

In the back of the Mini-Golf course 

"Okay so let me get this straight." Proclaimed Irvine in a voice unlike his normal, "I have to get Squall from Quistis, get him back here AND get him off his card addiction?"

"That about covers it." Came a voice from the shadows, "and if you complete this I'll give you your own mini-golf island."

"Hmm…face Quistis and get my own island or stay put and run my shop." Irvine pretended to ponder this for a second, "I choose to not do it."

"If you don't do it I'll fire your ass."

"Who the hell are you to fire me." As he says this, the figure comes out of the shadows, "Xu!"

Stepping forward Xu looks like she hasn't smiled for years, "Yes it's me, as you can see I can give you orders." Looking over his shoulder she walks closer to him, "being Second in the garden and Leader of the Seed assassins group has it's advantages."

"But weren't you fired for attempted murder?"

Punching Irvine she stands over him, "attacking someone with a pillow is hardly considered attempted murder!"

"It is when you stuff it with rocks!" Screams Irvine.

Glaring at him she brushes her hair away from her eyes, "anyway, It's all in the past now we have more impor…"

Interrupting her Irvine blurts out, "weren't you accused of killing the headmaster?"

"That Bastard Had it Coming…I mean, err…no!" Handing him an envelope she starts toward the shadows again. "Those are your funds for the mission use them well."

Walking towards the exit Irvine stops, "crazy Bitch."

Zell and Selphie at a Bar 

"So do we really need to drink again?" Asks Zell.

"Well, yeah." Says Selphie, "you seem to lighten up when you drink even if your tolerance to it is low."

Walking to The Bar Zell and Selphie each order a beer as they begin to drink Zell already begins to feel it. Looking around they see a variety of people, Seeds, Garden Cadets, Soldiers, etc. Looking over to the end of the bar they see Edea drinking with Quistis.

Walking over to the Selphie say, "Well look who is it…it is I mean."

Looking up Edea smiles, "well if it isn't Selphie, drunk as ever I see." Looking at Zell, Edea laughs, "and you've been recruiting."

Zell stands up straight, "She's nots been rechrutings anysbody…you bish."

Walking by a random man is talking to a hamster, "What's that boo? I should spend all my money on b33r and porn?"

_Excuse the interruption but I have to mention that that is in reference to the megatokyo online manga to which I am a great fan. Visit it at _ up Quistis starts to shout, "That damn Irvine! He took Squall before he could work off the debt he owes me!" She begins to cry, "Now I have to pay back the damages at the ranch…That Squall caused!"

Selphie points to Quistis, "She okay?"

"She's just upset. So upset that her blood-alcohol level is now an alcohol-blood level!" Waiting for a laugh Edea notices no ones laughing. "Well we can't all be stand-up comics."

"I'm not drunk!" Standing up Quistis falls face first on the ground. She begins to cry. Standing up again she falls to Zell and they both head to the ground, "I never knew you felt this way Zell."

Looking up Zell is Wide eyed, "What!"

"Hell yes! Threesome!" Selphie says as she jumps in the air. Grabbing them both by the hand she head to the door, "See ya Edea!"

Taking a sip from her glass Edea stands up, "I need to find Seifer."

A few Hours earlier 

Irvine arrives at the Chocobo ranch and starts to look for Squall. "Where is that bastard. I gotta find him quick so I can get back to golfing."

Walking around Irvine sees Quistis and quickly hides, "I can't let her see me yet."

Quistis, walking towards the stall is getting fed up with Squall and begins to talk to herself, "I can't believe Squall has already cost me 100000 Gil! When he's done shoveling I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind."

Sneaking by Quistis Irvine walks into the Chocobo stalls and sees Squall. "Squall there you are, we need to get out of here."

Seeing Irvine Squall unties a Chocobo that was hanging from the ceiling. "Why?" Walking up to Irvine Squall shows him a deck of cards, "and they're all Chocobo card! I'm never leaving this place."

"I guess I have to resort to this," Pulling a card out of him pocket he ties it to a stick. "Do you want it?"

"T-That's my card, it even has my picture on it."

Grabbing squall he ties him up to a Chocobo cart and sits in the back waving the card in front of him. "Now…Mush!"

Running after the card Squall pulls the cart as fast as a Chocobo, "NEED CARD!"

Seeing the cart go past her Quistis runs after it but soon run out of energy, "NOOOOOOOO!"

**To the Fans of this:**

I don't really know why you like it but the fact is the people do. I'm running out of idea so the story might only go to 10 chapters. If you wish it to go longer you might have to give me ideas.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: This is complete B.S.

Seifer's room a few days later 

"I just don't get it." Proclaimed Seifer in a rage, "Why doesn't Rinoa like me?"

"STUPID!"

Taking Fuujin in his arms Raijin hugs her, "You are so right Y'know." A few seconds later Raijin was on the ground, "OH MY GOD! You broke my arm!"

"RAGE!"

Suddenly Raijin jumped up, "I'm feeling completely better now Y'know."

"Umm…guys?" Said Seifer as he tapped Raijin on the shoulder, "Were here about me and my problems."

"Sorry we got a little Carried away Y'know."

"APOLOGIES!"

"Well anyway I have a plan. With my expert Gourmet Skillz I shall make the ultimate dish. So what I need from you are certain ingredients." Pulling out a couple pieces of paper he hands one to each of them, "I need you to gather these items."

**Raijin's Read:**

Malboro Tentacle 

_Tongue of a Red Dragon_

_Grendal Leg_

_Ice from Shiva_

_Torch Lit by Ifrit_

_Blood Of Diablo_

_Salt_

_Pepper_

**Fuujin's Read:**

Lettuce 

Tea

Oregano 

Cheese

Beef

Chicken

Raijin begins to step backwards, "T-That's not fair Y'know."

"ANGER!"

"Uh, I mean leave it to me Y'know."

Starring at the two he gets out of bed and begins to dress, "Since I don't trust either of you I hired people to escort you." Whispering to them he tells them who they work with.

"WHAT! I have to work with Ward? He's fatter then I am Y'know!" Grabbing his shirt he steps over to Fuujin, "Who works with you?"

"KIROS, EDEA."

"That's so unfair Y'know. I have all the hard stuff."

Seifer gets up, walks to Raijin and slaps him, "You're my bitch and you'll do what I say!"

Zell's room 

Waking up Zell rubs his head, "Ah, damn, I got drunk again." Reaching over to get his shirt he feels something soft. Looking over he sees Quistis and jumps out of bed. "Damn! What's going on?" Walking out of his room he heads to a kitchen.

Entering the Kitchen Zell sees Selphie cooking with nothing on but an apron. Turning around she waves, "Hi."

"S-Selphie! Your completely nude!"

"She looks down, "Hey! I have an apron on. Besides," She grins, "Your not wearing much yourself."

Looking down he notices that all he has on is a bed sheet, "Shit!" Running back too the room he comes out with pants on. "What the hell is Quistis doing here and why aren't you still asleep? I mean you had more to drink than any of us."

"Oh that? I mostly drink non-alcoholic beer."

"WHAT!"

"Duh, how else would I be able to drink so much?"

Interrupting the conversation Quistis steps out of the room, "What happened last night?"

Selphie, grabbing Zell and Quistis starts to head to the room.

"What are you doing?" asked Zell.

"We have work to do."

"Worked?"

"Your endurance is horrible, you need work."

Quistis, just coming around notices the other two with her, "Holy shit! I'm getting laid."

Irvine's Miniature golf course 

"Can I have my card now?" asks Squall.

Getting out of the cart Irvine turns to Squall, "Oh that? It's a fake." Throws the card on the ground, "I needed you out of there."

"C-card?" Crawling over golf balls, "Why would you make a fake of such a wonderful artifact."

"Okay listen you dumb-ass. You need to stop playing cards."

"But I need them."

"How The hell am I gonna get you off of them?"

"Oh cards…You're my only love."

"God damn squall get laid…THAT'S IT! You need to get laid.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Finally

Rinoa's Cell

"Rinoaaaa!" Exclaimed Seifer as he skipped into the room, "I brought you something." Reaching behind his back he hands her a dish, "It's my specialty, Seifer Surprise."

Rinoa jumped back, "What the hell is that? It's green and bubbling and looks like it has Malboro in it."

"And that's the surprise."

"Hmmm…I wonder." Grabbing the dish she flings it into the wall with the window. Seconds later it start to crack and fall apart. "Yes! I'm free." Going through the hole she jumps into a car and takes off."

Chasing after her Seifer screams, "Rinoa! What about me?"

One of the guards Comes out and tackles him, "You going to jail for this."

"Is jail nice?" asks Seifer.

"All you need to know is your gonna have company with a big black guy named Bubba. He's gonna keep you busy for a long time."

"Sounds fun."

Zell's Apartment 

"I can't believe that we did that." Screams Zell rolling in bed.

Selphie lies next to him, "What's the big deal? All we did is get a three way marriage."

"But don't you see how weird that is?"

"Oh get over it, It's done and were married, now where is Quistis."

Quistis walk in holding a bottle and a bag of cherries, "I got the whipped Cream."

"Okay fine I'll go along with it but we need to go easy on all this sex. I only have so much at one time."

"Stupid Zell." Exclaimed Selphie, "Your already talking like a married man.

Irvine's Golf Course 

"Well, getting laid didn't work and neither did subliminal Messages." Irvine begins to pace around, "The only thing left is shock therapy." Pushing a button he shocks Squall and waits a couple seconds before turning it off.

"Ow! that hurt…and you could've burned my cards."

He shocks him again, "No more talk of cards."

"My cards are in cinders!"

He shocks him again, "Enough!" When he goes to turn it of the button gets stuck. "Uh-Oh."

Driving by Rinoa stops, "Up for a joy-ride Irvine?"

He thinks for a second, "why not." Getting in the Car he leave while Squall remains getting shocked.

The End 

**To The Readers:**

I'm sorry I took forever and I'm gonna try another fan fiction. I want to make it about Fire Emblem.


End file.
